Retreat: Naked Faith Rocks in my Box

This past weekend New Leaf Church went on retreat. Unlike some of the past retreats there was a distinct flavor of sharing and reflection.

One of the activities was to decorate small river rocks with aspects of faith journey, the corner stones of our personal faith.

I attempted many times to distill my faith for 5 core things, events, or people that help me define what I believe.

When I got close, the paint would not stick.

I turned to the box and decorated with growth lines, the kind that trees hide deep inside themselves. They tell or the weather during that season of growth.

So what is on my naked faith rocks?

Everywhere I go, I carry the taste of loss. One of my rocks stands for the deep sorrow only a close death can bring. The perspective and heart ache when physical embodiment of imperfect unconditional love has flown.

Another stone has faults and seams in it, battle scars and beauty together. This stone reminds me of my continual, ongoing struggle with depression. My faith is a life boat and an anchor, sometimes I decide to climb aboard and other times I struggle in the water "on my own". My life has been marred with beauty and pain invisible at first glance, but deeply present.

All my stones are not washed smooth, some roughness remains, some evidence of the journey incomplete, the journey that will never fully wear away the marks of struggle and doubt, loss and beauty and hope in the pit of utter hopelessness. I, like my faith will never me complete, never perfect, never more than a work in progress and I would have it no other way.

So, you see my faith rocks are naked, bearing marks proudly, with humility and shame, and many more the like invisible at a glance.

What are the corner stones of your faith, the anchor and give buoyancy to your life?

Zero Sum Game? Life?

The power of things is all around. We cannot wander anywhere but the deepest woods without being impacted by the lust after things, and the marketing that feeds that drive.

At some point, my guess is early on we meet money for the first time. Carefree bartering of youth begins to transition into needing this stuff in order to get more stuff.

At first we rely on allowances or odd jobs to feed our need for things. Comic books, toy soldiers, candy all momentary pleasures, and all, in the moment, life or death needs.

As we grow, so do all consuming appetites and more. To muddy the waters further still the things money buys become a sign of worth. What we wear, the things we drive, as well as having and providing the "hot" and "new" for and to our friends keeps our social credit alive.

Then money begins to "really" matter. As fads fade and real bills begin. Money becomes and obstacle in the pursuit of knowledge. Can I get loans transitions to can I pay loans and eat something other than Ramen Noodles.

Once we strike this balance, or any time we approach that balance life happens. Lay offs, romances, fender benders, illness, family, friend's marriages. Every costs, and to find joy you have to ante up.

Time passes, jobs resumes grow in length often faster than we'd like. Identities change as often as the seasons and sometimes more frequently. The we commit again, love, marriage, bills, mortgages, rent all due, Student loans echo and one wonder's if it was all worth it. Worth, value, cost - value which we hope is positive.

Money is the grease the fills the holes to prevent us from sinking. Money allows is social mobility. Money is the measure of the worth of our time, either salaried or by the hour. Our prestige, or identity all wrapped up in an number. We work for money, we work for those we love, we work for those we would avoid on the street. Money stretches us to find the expectations demanded of us.

And when our time comes to close, the marketing machine preys upon our will to not have our passing burden those left behind. Money, wealth, reputation to be defended even after we are gone.

All but in the deepest woods does money rule our lives. And as in the woods we strive to leave no trace, yet in this life we strive to leave a large dent, and hope it is seen as beautiful.

Coed Small Group Session 10

Take your time, reflect, write color.

Pieces of Life, Parts of us all.

What are the pieces of life that nourish us?

What do we take root in and are anchored to that which we could not live without?

What is our Sunshine that helps us grow?

What is the wind in our lives that spur us on to change?

What is the water that sustains us, and drives us to thirst even more?